Allow for Peace and Provide Forgiveness

Generally speaking when I get onto my mat to begin a class I often allow my intention to be focus, strength and courage.  Sometimes the teacher will put an intention on the table which I borrow if it suits me.  Whatever it might be I mash it up through my breathing, through my movement, and I witness how this idea might weave throughout my life.

Every once in a while I get onto my mat and I make my intention to simply quiet my mind and let go.  That is to let go of any anger, frustration and hurt that I might be holding inside.  This always works while I am on the mat, yet it is never permanent.  I quickly forget, and shortly after a practice my mind start racing again with my thoughts and ideas.  So that peace and acceptance gained is always partially lost.

The other morning, I entered my practice with such frustration and such anger; feelings I have been feeling on and off for well over a year now.  It was interesting, because they were not the normal lingering thoughts, they didn't trail in behind me, they were a culmination of all my negative feelings.  I realized I was holding onto something big as we started the class. The feeling was intense while we were preparing our bodies for our OMs.   When the teacher invited us to choose our intention I immediately knew I could not simply "let go".  This was larger than anything I had felt before. It shook my body.

So my intention was peace and forgiveness.

It took me three tries to successfully centre myself.  Three times!

Each time I realized my thoughts were running, my anger was coursing.  I was playing it over in my mind, rolling it around.  Physically, I felt my eyes, they were violently chatting to the tune of my feelings.  Every time, I would remind myself of where I was, what I was doing and why I needed to breath. Allow for peace and provide forgiveness.

Conveniently after class I was hit with a bombshell, which I think any practiced yogi could be forgiven for letting her intention go.

Thinking about my day right now, some of my conversations, I remember, I felt that same familiar anger and frustration.  Yesterday too.  So now I remember my intention:

Allow for peace and provide forgiveness.

This is what I need to carry on my sleeve, not my anger and frustration.

and after the last few days I think I can start.